God wants to know who were dominated by their wife

Men on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues - one line for the men who dominated their women, and
the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

A priest, a doctor and a fresh engineer die and go the heavens gate

A priest, a doctor and a fresh engineer die and go the heavens gate, they hear gods voice and it says " My sons i am really very sorry but the heaven is full and i can accommodate only one of u. so to choose the rightful person one by one tell me what u have done in ur lifetime." The priest goes up first and says " well god i am a priest i am ur humble servent and have spent all my life working to spread ur message." The doctor goes up next and says " well i am a doctor and i have helped thousands of people recover from there illnesses and saved countless lives." The engineer goes up and says " well I worked as a s/w engineer and...." before the engineer could say any further the heaven's gate opened and god came out with tears in his eyes and said to the engineer "Say no more my son come with me b'coz u have already been through hell."

Chintu goes to a shop to buy Indian flag

Chintu one day goes to a shop to buy Indian flag. The shopkeeper gives him an
Indian flag.

Chintu looks at it for a while and asks one question. Shopkeeper faints

What does he say?

Guess.........................
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Isme koi doosra colour dikhao

Note: Chintu is our new character.

PJ of the day

One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds.

He felt that he should go and apologies to Ram for all the problems he had caused.

So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.

Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there.

Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word.



What was he thinking?

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Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon? J J J J

SHOLAY ki MAUSI at Accneture!!!!!! Enjoy ........

Amitabh: Mausi ladka “ Accenture” mein kaam karta hai...
Mausi: Hai raam...
Amitabh: Aajkal allocated bhi hai...
Mausi: To kya kabhi unallocated (i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????
Amitabh: Ab C ki rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya C ki rating bhi aati hai uski????
Amitabh: PL se ladaai karne ke baad B ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na milti hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya ladaaku bhi hai????
Amitabh: Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban...
Mausi: To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????
Amitabh: Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college se kiya hai????
Amitabh: Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!!!!
Amitabh: To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi??




Mausi: Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center waale se shaadi kar le, par Accenture waale se kabhi nahin karegi.......

That is too much!!! Some body save me please!

Once a girl was drinking Coke. She suddenly discovered a fly in her drink and took it out from the Coke.

The fly gave birth to a baby fly and died.The baby fly opened its eyes, looked at the girl and said,"Maaa!".

The girl asked the baby fly,"Mein tumhari maa nahin hoon phir tune mujhe Maa kyo bulaaya?"

The fly replied, "Kyoonki maine tumhari Coke se janam liya hai".

Kid wants to marry his grandma....!

"Daddy," said a six-year-old boy, "I'd like to get married."

"Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?"

"Yes," answered the boy. "Grandma."

"Now, wait a minute," said his father.

"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"

"Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine."

Chatting Funda

Our hero chatting with GF (heroin) regularly . They had never met each other.

Both are s/w engg by the profession and both work for MNC's.

Hero : Hey..GM.. how r u doing today?

Heroin : VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on
chat

Hero : wow...am honoured, u know wat, my day starts only when i find
you on chat

Heroin : Yep...me too feel the same..brb (be right back) 'll get some
coffee.

Hero : OK

(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime
number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but i think its quite hard, is it ok with
you,if i give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager : Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for
heroin to arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Heroin : Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager, he's kinda keeps asking stupid
things, tries to give me stupid work

Heroin : Yeah, its the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers
are!!


Hero : Yep, u rite!!


Heroin : Hey, can u do me a favour

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Heroin : Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime
number,given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? plzzz. You know its
real urgent for me to work this out :)

Hero : hey, thats a one-hour's work. Sure check ur mail in an hour
from now.ok?

Heroin : THAT WAS THE SAMETHING I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO
YOUR WORK PLACE. YOU KNOW WHO IAM NOW!!
YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW

IAS interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions

to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined,

but one persistent candidate would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this candidate. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.

"By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification.

"What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention".

If I name one, it will be injustice to another". The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject.I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report.

Women

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office ready to
show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too
close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialled 911,and within
minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to
ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her
Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the
body shop did to it.

When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the
officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are
so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you s ay such a thing?" asked the woman.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from
the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new bracelet? ! "

Deadly PJ

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2 cigarettes and
have to light any one cigarette. You don't have
anything else with you in the
boat? How will you do it?


See ans below.












Answer:
Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the
boat will become
LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the
other cigarette.

Another deadly answer, scroll down a little







Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch
it. Catches win Matches.
Using the matches that you win, you can light the
cigarette.

If that was not enough, one more deadly
answer....scroll down






Take water in your hand and drop it drop by
drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee." us aag se
hamne cigarette jalayee".

If that was not enough, one more deadly
answer....scroll down








Start praising one cigarette, The other will get
jealous & "jalney lagega"

A girl pushed her father!!!! Why?

A girl psuhed her father from 7th floor of a building.......
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Guess why?????????????????
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...Because her name was Pushpa(Push-pa) :))
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Hilarious

A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he hit a


sparrow. He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive,


but unconscious. He decided to take him home.


When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving him


some bread and water inside.


When the sparrow regained consciousness, he looked


around and said: "Bars, bread, water...Oh my God!! I have killed the motorist!!!"

Weighing a baby

A lady holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks a clerk if she can use the store's free baby scale.

'Sorry, ma'am,' says the clerk. 'Our baby scale is out for repairs.

But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.' 'Oh, that won't work,' says the lady

'Why not?' asks the clerk. 'Because,' says the lady, 'I'm not the mother -- I'm the aunt.'

Santa and Banta

Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a
swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.

Ek teacher ne bacche se puchha
"akal badhi ya bhais "
baccha bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".

Why was a guy writing the exam near the door
coz it was an entrance exam.

Ek dost ne aadmi se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon
dekhta rehta."
aadmi bola "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."

Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.

Joke of the day

A pundit climbs to the top of the Himalayas to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "To me a million years mean a minute my son."

Pundit asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "Son, a million dollars is a penny to me." Pundit asks, "Lord in that case may I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute my son."

Another Joke (Moral :Always allow the boss to speak first)

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is
granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"


So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be
in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was
gone.


Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be
in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff,
and he was also gone. The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in
the office after lunch at 12.35pm"

" Always allow the boss to speak first"

Jokes

Should women have children after 35?
No, 35 children are more than enough!

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening..

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..

Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep !

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY. So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

Work fascinates me I can look at it for hours !

Love is photogenic, It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children !

Do you know of a guy who parked his car in front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING

A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking..
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?

Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..

Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different..

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book..

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!