PoorJokes

mere saath duniya dekho

2010-01-29T02:41:00.000-08:00

Ek Cheeta charminar Cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki achanak ek
chuha wahan aaya aur bola
"mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere sath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna
khubsurat hai, aao mere saath duniya dekho"
Cheetay ne ak lamha socha phir choohe ke sath daudhne laga.

Aage ek haathi afeem pi raha tha, chooha phir bola,
"haathi mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere saath bhaago, dekho ye jungle
kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere sath duniya dekho"
Haathi bhi sath dorne laga.

Agay sher whisky peene ki taiyaari kar raha tha, choohe ne usay bhi
wohi kaha.
Sher ne glass side par rakha aur choohe ko 5- 6 thappar maare.

Haathi bola, "are ye to tumhe zindagi ki taraf le ja raha ha, kyon maar
rahay ho is bechare ko ?"

Sher bola, "yeh Kameena pichli baar bhi cocaine pi kar mujhe 3 ghante
jungle mai ghumata raha tha!".

This is how business is done!!

2007-06-21T04:07:00.000-07:00

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"

After 20 yrs

2007-06-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued... "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"

Impact of JOB CHANGE

2007-06-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!
"The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."

Tough test!!!!!

2007-06-13T00:53:00.001-07:00

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and
the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one
week of study, a test was held.The professor passed out a sheets of small
paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs.
No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. Our
student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he
stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's
desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything
and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"

The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, "You
tell me..."

Work

2007-06-13T00:49:00.000-07:00

A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.
He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there. To kill time he decides to have fun with him.
He calls him.
Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?
Canteen boy smiles...
Senior Manager - what are your future plans?
Canteen boy keeps quiet...
Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.
Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...naam hai.........., shohrat hai........., paisa hai............ Izzat Hai.............,tumhare paas kya hai?

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Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....
Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

The HR Process

2007-06-13T00:48:00.000-07:00

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources
Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in
heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to
do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let
you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said
the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green
of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had
worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for
her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she
had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time

that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and
waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found
St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24
hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had
great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came
and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you
must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd
say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down
back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and
had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

*"Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.*

God wants to know who were dominated by their wife

2005-06-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

Men on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues - one line for the men who dominated their women, and
the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

A priest, a doctor and a fresh engineer die and go the heavens gate

2005-06-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

A priest, a doctor and a fresh engineer die and go the heavens gate, they hear gods voice and it says " My sons i am really very sorry but the heaven is full and i can accommodate only one of u. so to choose the rightful person one by one tell me what u have done in ur lifetime." The priest goes up first and says " well god i am a priest i am ur humble servent and have spent all my life working to spread ur message." The doctor goes up next and says " well i am a doctor and i have helped thousands of people recover from there illnesses and saved countless lives." The engineer goes up and says " well I worked as a s/w engineer and...." before the engineer could say any further the heaven's gate opened and god came out with tears in his eyes and said to the engineer "Say no more my son come with me b'coz u have already been through hell."

Chintu goes to a shop to buy Indian flag

2005-05-31T21:34:00.000-07:00

Chintu one day goes to a shop to buy Indian flag. The shopkeeper gives him an
Indian flag.

Chintu looks at it for a while and asks one question. Shopkeeper faints

What does he say?

Guess.........................
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Isme koi doosra colour dikhao

Note: Chintu is our new character.

PJ of the day

2005-05-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds.

He felt that he should go and apologies to Ram for all the problems he had caused.

So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.

Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there.

Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word.

What was he thinking?

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Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon? J J J J

SHOLAY ki MAUSI at Accneture!!!!!! Enjoy ........

2005-02-25T01:42:00.000-08:00

Amitabh: Mausi ladka “ Accenture” mein kaam karta hai...
Mausi: Hai raam...
Amitabh: Aajkal allocated bhi hai...
Mausi: To kya kabhi unallocated (i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????
Amitabh: Ab C ki rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya C ki rating bhi aati hai uski????
Amitabh: PL se ladaai karne ke baad B ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na milti hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya ladaaku bhi hai????
Amitabh: Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban...
Mausi: To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????
Amitabh: Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college se kiya hai????
Amitabh: Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!!!!
Amitabh: To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi??

Mausi: Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center waale se shaadi kar le, par Accenture waale se kabhi nahin karegi.......

That is too much!!! Some body save me please!

2005-02-24T02:30:00.000-08:00

Once a girl was drinking Coke. She suddenly discovered a fly in her drink and took it out from the Coke.

The fly gave birth to a baby fly and died.The baby fly opened its eyes, looked at the girl and said,"Maaa!".

The girl asked the baby fly,"Mein tumhari maa nahin hoon phir tune mujhe Maa kyo bulaaya?"

The fly replied, "Kyoonki maine tumhari Coke se janam liya hai".

Kid wants to marry his grandma....!

2005-02-22T05:14:00.000-08:00

"Daddy," said a six-year-old boy, "I'd like to get married."

"Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?"

"Yes," answered the boy. "Grandma."

"Now, wait a minute," said his father.

"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"

"Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine."

Chatting Funda

2005-02-11T04:30:00.000-08:00

Our hero chatting with GF (heroin) regularly . They had never met each other.

Both are s/w engg by the profession and both work for MNC's.

Hero : Hey..GM.. how r u doing today?

Heroin : VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on
chat

Hero : wow...am honoured, u know wat, my day starts only when i find
you on chat

Heroin : Yep...me too feel the same..brb (be right back) 'll get some
coffee.

Hero : OK

(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime
number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but i think its quite hard, is it ok with
you,if i give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager : Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for
heroin to arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Heroin : Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager, he's kinda keeps asking stupid
things, tries to give me stupid work

Heroin : Yeah, its the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers
are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Heroin : Hey, can u do me a favour

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Heroin : Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime
number,given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? plzzz. You know its
real urgent for me to work this out :)

Hero : hey, thats a one-hour's work. Sure check ur mail in an hour
from now.ok?

Heroin : THAT WAS THE SAMETHING I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO
YOUR WORK PLACE. YOU KNOW WHO IAM NOW!!
YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW

IAS interview

2005-02-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions

to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined,

but one persistent candidate would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this candidate. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.

"By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification.

"What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention".

If I name one, it will be injustice to another". The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject.I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report.

Women

2005-02-08T23:42:00.000-08:00

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office ready to
show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too
close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialled 911,and within
minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to
ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her
Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the
body shop did to it.

When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the
officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are
so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you s ay such a thing?" asked the woman.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from
the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new bracelet? ! "

Deadly PJ

2005-02-07T04:47:00.000-08:00

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2 cigarettes and
have to light any one cigarette. You don't have
anything else with you in the
boat? How will you do it?

See ans below.

Answer:
Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the
boat will become
LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the
other cigarette.

Another deadly answer, scroll down a little

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch
it. Catches win Matches.
Using the matches that you win, you can light the
cigarette.

If that was not enough, one more deadly
answer....scroll down

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by
drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee." us aag se
hamne cigarette jalayee".

If that was not enough, one more deadly
answer....scroll down

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get
jealous & "jalney lagega"

A girl pushed her father!!!! Why?

2005-02-04T01:07:00.001-08:00

A girl psuhed her father from 7th floor of a building.......
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Guess why?????????????????
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...Because her name was Pushpa(Push-pa) :))
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Hilarious

2005-02-04T01:07:00.000-08:00

A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he hit a

sparrow. He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive,

but unconscious. He decided to take him home.

When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving him

some bread and water inside.

When the sparrow regained consciousness, he looked

around and said: "Bars, bread, water...Oh my God!! I have killed the motorist!!!"

Weighing a baby

2005-01-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

A lady holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks a clerk if she can use the store's free baby scale.

'Sorry, ma'am,' says the clerk. 'Our baby scale is out for repairs.

But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.' 'Oh, that won't work,' says the lady

'Why not?' asks the clerk. 'Because,' says the lady, 'I'm not the mother -- I'm the aunt.'

Santa and Banta

2005-01-27T02:31:00.000-08:00

Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a
swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.

Ek teacher ne bacche se puchha
"akal badhi ya bhais "
baccha bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".

Why was a guy writing the exam near the door
coz it was an entrance exam.

Ek dost ne aadmi se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon
dekhta rehta."
aadmi bola "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."

Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.

Joke of the day

2005-01-18T03:14:00.000-08:00

A pundit climbs to the top of the Himalayas to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "To me a million years mean a minute my son."

Pundit asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "Son, a million dollars is a penny to me." Pundit asks, "Lord in that case may I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute my son."

Another Joke (Moral :Always allow the boss to speak first)

2005-01-18T03:13:00.000-08:00

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is
granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be
in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was
gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be
in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff,
and he was also gone. The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in
the office after lunch at 12.35pm"

" Always allow the boss to speak first"

Jokes

2005-01-18T03:12:00.000-08:00

Should women have children after 35?
No, 35 children are more than enough!

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening..

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..

Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep !

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY. So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

Work fascinates me I can look at it for hours !

Love is photogenic, It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children !

Do you know of a guy who parked his car in front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING

A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking..
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?

Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..

Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different..

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book..

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!